


The Empty and the Voices

by skzbts12



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, MINSUNG ISNT RLY A COUPLE, This probably doesn't make any sense, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, a lot of blood, but they are there!, don't read if self harm is a trigger!, dont read this it's pretty bad, i still dont know how to tag, i wrote this having no plans of slight minsung but whoops there it is, jisung is sad, jisung-centric fic, no one proof reads my stuff so this is probably confusing, once again im sorry, the ending is happy tho i promise, the other members aren't really mentioned i apologize, they aren't in a relationship tho, they just wont go away, this is literally a mess, voices in your head, your mind is powerful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 14:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16599350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skzbts12/pseuds/skzbts12
Summary: Jisung starts to feel like everything is horrible. He can't get the thoughts out of his head. Minho is able to help him.((I despise summaries with all my heart read the tags please.)





	The Empty and the Voices

**Author's Note:**

> alRIGHT IF YOU DIDNT READ THE TAGS JUST UH, WARNING THERES A MENTION OF SELF HARM AND BLOOD! 
> 
> I said it so don't be mad if you're triggered. Anyways, enjoy? Not really, it's actually pretty horrible I didn't even read through it after it was done. 
> 
> !!!ITALIC FONTS ARE THOUGHTS!!!

Jisung thinks he’s going crazy. Not for the reasons you would guess, though. As he lays down in bed, his other members in a deep slumber, he can’t help but to keep thoughts out of his head.  _ Why am I feeling like this.  _ Jisung is used to being happy, smiling and laughing along with everyone. His heart full of love and joy. But it’s different. For the last few months, there has been moments where Jisung feelings like nothing. It feels like he’s empty, not caring for a single thing, and he just can’t understand why. 

It’s worse this time, though. All he can do is lay in bed and think of things. Things that shouldn’t be thought of. Things that belong deep down and locked away. Every bad memory he’s ever had comes sprawling up in his mind, and the only thing he feels in his heart is pain.  _ Do it. _ Jisung shakes his head at the thoughts. He gets up out of bed and checks his phone. 3:27am. He isn’t surprised at the time as he sneaks out of his room and into the kitchen. Jisung has always had sleeping problems, but it’s been worse lately. 

While in the kitchen, he pours himself a glass of water, hoping to make him calm down. Apparently he’s too lost in thought because he didn’t notice Chan walking up to him. “Jisung?” Chan says quietly, making the younger jump and turn around, shoulders tensing up in the process. “Yeah?” He responds back, taking another sip of his water, ignoring the slight shake in his hands. “You alright? You look kinda...off.” Chan had a worried look in his face as he stared into Jisung, almost as if he was looking straight into his soul. Jisung tried to speak, but his throat constricted him from doing so. A tight not could be felt inside, and so he drank the rest of his water before trying again. “I’m fine, just a rough night, can’t sleep.” The older didn’t look impressed, but decided not to invade anymore. “Okay...go lay down and keep trying to rest. We won’t bother you in the morning. Have a good night, Jisung. I love you.” Jisung tried not to choke up when he heard Chan’s ‘I love you’. “I will…”  _ I’m sorry.  _ “I love you too.” Chan nodded and walked back to his room, leaving Jisung in the kitchen trying to control his breathing. 

He turned to put his glass down in the sink, but froze momentarily. A knife laid at the bottom of the sink, and Jisung couldn’t rip his eyes away from it no matter what. _You’re worthless. You have nothing to lose._ Oh how he wished the voices would go away. Hesitantly, he picked up the knife and ran his finger across the blade. _It’s sharp._ Snapping out of his thoughts, he threw the knife back into the sink in a quick motion, and almost ran back to his room throwing himself on his bed, not caring if anyone woke up.   


Jisung must have fallen asleep, because next thing he knew it was 11am. He sat up and looked around, seeing that his members hadn’t been in his room. _Weird._ After a while, Jisung finally got the energy to get up and go out into the living room, where he was expecting his members to be. But when he got out there, he was met with silence. His stomach started to feel weird, and the thoughts immediately rushed to his head. _They don’t need you. You annoy them. They forgot about you._ He pushed his mind away, and walked into the bathroom, going to take a shower.   


The hot water felt good on his skin, it was relaxing almost. His mind clear for that little time. Once he was clean, Jisung stepped out and wrapped a towel on him. His eyes caught himself in the mirror, and suddenly he was sucked into more thoughts. _You’re too overweight. Your cheeks are too chubby. Old acne scars cover your face. You’re disgusting. No wonder your members left you here, they think you’re gross as well. I don’t blame them._ Suddenly his eyes caught a shine in the mirror, and he was no looking at a single razor blade. _Do it._ Jisung grabbed the blade and played with it in his hand. Inspecting it closely, running his fingers along the sharp edge slowly. But suddenly he saw red, and then noticed he accidently cut his finger. _That didn’t hurt as much as I imagined._   


Red. It’s all Jisung could suddenly see as his brain took over his sight and the blade touched his arm. He didn’t know what he was doing, but all he knew what that red was everywhere. _Harder. Deeper._ Jisung was about to continue when a sudden knock on the door snapped him out of his head. “Jisung? You in there?” _Fuck._ He looked at wrist and tried not to freak out. “Yeah, give me a few minutes.” Without waiting for a response, Jisung threw the razor down and grabbed a towel. _Fuck fuck fuck. It won’t stop. Well, maybe loss of blood wouldn’t be a bad way to go._ He almost screamed at his thoughts. They wouldn’t leave. All Jisung could do was stare at his now wrapped arm. He’s never done this before, and it was scary. _What’s wrong with you._ Slowly, he threw on his shorts and shirt, suddenly thankful he had grabbed a long sleeve one. Once he made sure the small towel was concealed and no traces of blood was left, he walked out of the bathroom.   


“Hey, finally out of the bathroom. How are you feeling?” Jisung turned to see Changbin looking at him. It took a second to find the courage to speak but he did, not without his voice sounding a little shaky. “I-I’m fine. Yeah. Got enough sleep last night for once.” Before Changbin got the chance to answer back, Minho ran up to him and hugged him. Jisung tried his best not to wince when he felt pressure on his arm. “You sure you’re fine? You look really pale Jisungie.” Minho’s frown made him look guilty. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t find a good enough excuse. All of a sudden the towel wrapped around his wrist felt heavy against him. He hearing was blocked and all that could be heard was a loud buzzing sound. Chan was in front of him all of a sudden, and he could see his lips moving, but no sound coming from them. Minho held on to him tighter, and was looking at him worriedly. His arm started to feel weightless, felt like a simple feather. The last thing he saw was Chan yelling at the other members before his vision faded to black.   


“-aybe he had too little to eat?” Jisung could hear people around him talking, but was too weak to make it known he had woken up. “I don’t know. He usually eats well…” _I am overweight, maybe I should stop eating, too._ They stopped talking after that, making Jisung think that they had left. “Jisungie…” _Minho._ He felt his bed dip down and a hand on his head, his hair getting pushed out of his face. “There’s no one else in here, you can open your eyes now.” _How’d he know?_ Slowly, Jisung rolled over on to his stomach and sighed, not daring to look at Minho. “How’d you know I was awake.” The older scooted closer, and started to rub Jisungs back. “I just had a feeling.” He hummed in response, too immersed in the way Minho’s fingers ghosted on his back.   


After a few minutes of silence, Minho spoke up again. “Listen...I  didn’t tell the other guys because I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself first...but uh, when you fainted, I was grabbing on to you from the begging, and I saw the towel on your wrist…” Jisung felt his breath stop and his whole body tense. _He knows. He saw. How do I explain this to him. Should I lie instead? I could say I was making food and a knife cut me._ “Jisung I…” The hand on his back stopped moving. “I know that things can get difficult, and that sometimes you just can’t handle it...but whatever is messing with you. Whatever thoughts that you have, I want you to know that I’m here for you, and that you can talk to me about anything.”   


He couldn’t hold it in anymore. The next thing Jisung knew there were tears falling down his face. In a quick movement, he rolled over and latched onto Minho, crying his eyes out. The older was quiet, running his hand through Jisung’s hair. _I don’t deserve Minho. He’s too nice. He probably just pities me._ The thoughts in his head made him sob even louder. “I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean too. I don’t know why I did it. Please don’t be mad at me. Please. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave you guys, I swear. I’m so sorr-” Jisung got cut off by Minho. “Jisungie.” Slowly Jisung sat up and looked at Minho. The older smiled softly and brought his hands up to wipe away Jisungs tears. “I’m not mad at you. I just want to understand why it happened so I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”   


Jisung snuggled more into the other, not wanting to be facing him when he explains. “That’s the thing. I don’t know what’s happening. I feel...so empty. Everything that happens, I think about it being bad. I feel worthless, like everyone hates me. I just feel like I don’t belong here, anywhere even. And I know this may sound crazy, but there’s a voice in the back of my head telling me all these bad things. It made me lose my mind and hurt...harm myself. I just..Minho I don’t know what to do. I can’t handle it.” The boy cried even more into Minho's chest. _He probably thinks you’re crazy. You’re annoying him. Push him away._ “Stop…” He mumbles silently. “Stop what?” Minho asks. _Stop these voices. No. Stop trying to help me. No. Make my mind stop making me upset._ _  
_

Silence overtook Jisung, so Minho decided he should speak up now. “Jisung...listen to me. You aren’t worthless  or anything like that. You’re amazing, and so talented, and beautiful, and everything. You make our days, we love seeing you goof off and be yourself. We all love squishing your squirrel cheeks, we love everything about you. If you ever feel empty again, come to me, I’ll cuddle you and fill you up with my love. I don’t want you feeling upset, Jisung. And if this voice ever comes back again and starts telling you things, come to me, or anyone, and talk to us. You’re important to us, and we can’t have anymore...accidents happening. I love you, we love you, okay?” Jisung sat back up and hugged Minho. “I’ll try harder to talk to you guys. I’m sorry for thinking all of this. I love you guys so much.” _Maybe he’s telling the truth, and they really do love me.  
_

“It’s okay...now why don’t we get your arm cleaned up and bandaged correctly yeah? We don’t have to tell anyone about it. But if it happens again I will.” Minho said and got up, holding his hand out for Jisung to take. They walked into the bathroom and rolled up Jisungs sleeve. The younger tried not to wince as the towel got pulled off, fresh cuts laying on his arm. He looked at Minho for any signs of disgust or discomfort but only found caring, worrying eyes. His arm got wiped down gently with water and then bandaged up neatly. The sleeve was pulled back down afterwards. “Are you feeling okay enough to come into the living room? We can set up movies for us to all watch together.” Jisung nodded to Minho and walked out to the living room where he sat down on the couch. _   
_

After a while, everyone was piled up together and a movie was being chose. Minho came over and sat right by Jisung and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. He looked around the room, watching everyone smile and argue about what movie they were gonna watch _ _. _Maybe I’m not alone. I got people all around me who love me and are willing to listen._ _  
___

Jisung knew now whenever he was feeling bad, Minho would be there, and so he took advantage of that. He often found himself being greeted by Minhos soft smiles, telling him that it would be okay. The voices calmed down, his mind wouldn’t jump at the sight of anything sharp anymore.

Day by day, the empty started to fill up. 

**Author's Note:**

> You know, as I was writing this, I planned to make it all sad and leave y'all in a sobbing mess at the end. I don't know what changed in me but it ended happy. One day I'll write an angsty fic. One day.


End file.
